in a story, a moment

that has never quite

come together, a life

that is always months

or years away, but feels

more real than yesterdays

that unfurl behind me

with a sterile sameness

that threatens to swallow

those moments of joy

and beauty I try so hard

to find somewhere besides

your smile.

from group to group,

ebbing and flowing

through topics,

friends, moments

quickly lost

to laughter

across the way

more distractions

making the crowd

segment itself

again and again.

you got so far under my skin,

running through my veins

’til I bleed your favorite color,

and see you reflected

back behind my eyes.

I’ve tried running and hiding,

but I just can’t pull away

with the smell of your skin

burned into my mind.

So here I am again,

singing that sad refrain

of what might have been,

because time may dull,

but healing hasn’t come.

And still I’d do it all again,

even knowing how it ends,

because I just can’t imagine

myself any other way.

You’re everything… but,

words run away.

So scared I might break

this fragile life

I have made.

It feels like spun glass

delicate web of trust,

so much left unsaid

too many days away.

Where was the moment

we missed the easy road?

Twining instead

through each other’s paths,

too scared to just say

will you stay?

between open skies

and parched, cracked ground,

desert home a comforting lie,

a crumbling refuge from her.

But day follows day

and it gets harder to rise,

to fight back the sound

of breaking ties,

loosing what we were

even in memory.

surround the old haunts,

the places filled with specters

of a youth from years

amidst decades already

passed by.

Following those ghosts

of friends and summer nights,

remembered thrill

of a shortcut, hopped fences,

torn shirts and bruised knees,

so different, if only

in perspective.

But the coolness

of the night breeze,

murmur of night insects,

still welcomes a lingered moment

a long gaze at stars

too often missed on drives,

and deadlines.

But it’s not all bad,

all melancholy and memory,

easy as it is to find here.

Now still exists,

new paths, changed landscapes,

town living and growing

down a separate path,

swallowing what was,

as I find my feet again

and wander on.

Those mistakes
That linger,
Nip and claw
At my dreams,
Fraying the new,
Fresh edges
Of me.

Mending,
With new moments,
Day by day,
While I wonder
When time
Will heal.